Column: "The invisible backpack we all carry"

I was riding on the back of a scooter on my way to the hospital. My hand hurt after being stung by an insect. My grandmother and uncle thought it should be examined. Yet my first thought was not the pain, but the fear of getting a shot.

When the doctor asked how I was feeling, I told him it already felt better. Not because it actually did, but because I wanted to avoid getting a shot at all costs. My fear of needles was greater than my common sense.

Looking back, I realize that fear sometimes develops gradually. Experiences from the past can become embedded in both your mind and body. You learn to avoid certain situations and adapt your behavior accordingly. Perhaps that is the essence of trauma: something that stays with you longer than you would like.

The Netherlands is home to more than eighteen million people. Eighteen million unique individuals, each with their own story. In a way, that also means eighteen million backpacks. Yet we all share one thing in common: no one goes through life unscathed. Everyone experiences events that hurt, leave scars, and require time to process.

Trauma can develop in many different ways. Sometimes it stems from personal experiences, sometimes from family dynamics, and sometimes from events that affect an entire society. Take the COVID-19 pandemic, for example. Almost overnight, the world changed. People lost loved ones, became isolated, or lived in uncertainty for months. For many, that period left emotional scars that are still felt today.

Everyone copes with difficult experiences in their own way. Some seek professional help, while others find support through family, friends, or faith. Some withdraw from others or try to numb their pain. What stands out is that more and more people are seeking mental health support. The waiting lists within mental healthcare reflect just how great that need has become.

Yet as important as support may be, healing cannot be rushed. Trauma does not disappear in a day, a week, or a month. Some experiences remain with you for a lifetime. The question is not only how to leave something behind, but how to learn to live with it.

That is a lesson I have had to learn myself.

I never imagined that I would one day be confronted with cancer. In my case, it was Stage 3 cancer. You hear the stories of others and loved ones, but you often assume it will never happen to you. Until it does.

When it became my reality, I entered a world of examinations, consultations, and treatments. I underwent chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and surgery. Those were months in which I was confronted with my own vulnerability.

The most difficult part was not even the treatment itself, but the realization that I had no control. For the first time in my life, death no longer felt like something distant. Suddenly, it felt very close.

Every check-up brought tension. Hope and fear walked hand in hand. You hope for good news, yet somewhere in the back of your mind there is always the question: what if it comes back?

And yet, during that period, I discovered something else as well.I discovered how powerful support can be.

My faith gave me strength during the most difficult moments. But just as important were the people around me. My family stood by my side throughout it all. They listened, cared, and reminded me that I was not alone. Not once did I feel abandoned.

That experience taught me that healing is not only about medication, surgery, or treatment. Healing is also about connection. It is about the people who remain by your side when life becomes difficult. Sometimes a listening ear means more than the best advice.

Perhaps this is something we, as a society, should pay more attention to. We live in a time when many people feel lonely, even though connection is more important than ever. Not everyone needs a solution. Sometimes people simply need understanding and a conversation.

My fear of needles has not disappeared. Neither have the memories of my illness. Some experiences never fully fade away. But I have learned that trauma does not have to be the end of your story.

You can learn to live with what you have been through. You can develop resilience.

You can find support in people who care about you. And you can become that source of support for someone else. So let us look out for one another a little more often. Let us ask how someone is really doing. Let us listen more, without immediately judging or rushing to offer solutions.

Do you feel the need to talk? Are you carrying experiences that are difficult to cope with, or do you simply need someone to listen? Please do not hesitate to reach out to us. Sometimes healing begins with a meaningful conversation. You do not have to go through it alone.

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