Being pregnant while running a familyhome

Over the past year, I have received many questions about being pregnant while running a family home. Now that our daughter has been born, I thought it would be appropriate to briefly look back on that experience. I will do so by answering some of the questions I received.

1. How did you find out you were pregnant, and what was your first reaction?

I remember it as if it were yesterday. Rockey and I went on vacation to Gran Canaria. The month before, I had already been feeling extremely tired. I personally thought this was because of all the things that were happening at that time in the family home.

I slept through almost the entire flight, and once we arrived at the hotel, I actually wanted to go straight back to sleep. I was that tired. Eventually, I decided to explore the neighbourhood with Rockey. We came across a lovely smoothie bar and I thought, That sounds good. But the drink tasted strange to me. It had a very strong, almost metallic taste. Eventually, the taste became so intense that I gave the drink to Rockey.

I was also feeling very nauseous and had a headache. After a short walk, I was completely exhausted and could do nothing but sleep, sleep and sleep.

Rockey woke me up for dinner, and I was surprised to see how late it had gotten. I remember that he had made delicious hamburgers and a lovely salad. I started feeling a little better. At that point, I still thought my body was simply exhausted. After two nights, we moved to another hotel. The exhaustion came back in full force. I was also becoming increasingly nauseous, and I was a few days late.

Eventually, we decided to take a pregnancy test.It was immediately positive.

How ironic that, coincidentally, it was Mother's Day that day. It all felt so unreal to me that we decided to take a more specific test. That test showed that I had already been pregnant for more than three weeks. To be honest, even after taking that test, it still didn't feel real. I was completely stunned.

2. What steps did you take when you returned home, and how did your family and colleagues react?

During our vacation, we took things slowly. Once we got home, we immediately went to the doctor. We were referred to a midwife practice for an urgent ultrasound. It turned out that I was already 8 to 9 weeks pregnant. We immediately told our parents and our pedagogical staff. We had packed a little baby onesie that said Baby Halley, January 2024 as a gift. We told them that we had brought them a present from Gran Canaria.

They were all very happy for us, but they were also curious about how we were going to combine having a baby with running the family home. We told the children and their parents shortly afterwards.

Coincidentally, around that time, a new child came to live with us. We usually celebrate this with a little cake. This time, we had a cake made with the ultrasound picture on it. The children's reactions were mixed! Some were shocked, while others were extremely excited.We also had to make some adjustments within the family home. Because of my pregnancy symptoms, I needed to take more rest. One of our pedagogical staff members worked some extra shifts that month to help compensate.

I noticed that the children were disappointed about this, but they also understood. I felt quite guilty that month. The encouraging words from my family and colleagues helped me enormously. In a family, mothers often have several children and cannot always be there for everything. Sometimes the father simply has to step in a little more. I also felt guilty towards Rockey because he suddenly had to do much more on his own.

3. What kind of work did you do during your pregnancy?

In the beginning, I did a lot of administrative work during the day. I also spent one-on-one time with the children between 3 and 5 p.m.

Eating dinner with everyone was often difficult because of the smells. I really disliked that! But I knew that it would eventually pass.

4. What do you remember about the first and second trimesters?

Despite all the symptoms, the pregnancy still felt very unreal.To be honest, I didn't really know how I felt about it.There was one thing I did know: I really missed having a mother figure. My mother passed away when I was very young. That feeling became even stronger when people started asking me questions about my mother. The ultrasound appointments were very special to me. Those moments reminded me that I was actually pregnant and that I had been given the privilege of having a child.

5. How did you involve the children in the pregnancy?

Every week, we watched the pregnancy growth videos with the children and ate something that represented what the baby was compared to that week. This was our way of involving them in the process.

This was also one of the most difficult periods of my life. Things were not going very well in the family home. We were in the middle of the process of moving a child to another placement after investing a great deal of time and energy into them for a year and a half. It had reached a point where continuing was no longer possible because we were increasingly losing ourselves in the process. It brought a lot of pain, sadness, doubt and a sense of failure.Today, I can look back on that period as a learning experience.

You simply cannot carry the whole world on your shoulders.

We also showed the children all of the ultrasound pictures. During the gender reveal, they were allowed to help. They could also buy clothes for her and help decorate her room.

6. What was the most difficult period during your pregnancy?

Around 22 weeks, we found out that our daughter was not growing as she should. My pregnancy then became medically monitored. I had to slow down and take more rest. From that point on, I had to go to the hospital twice a week for check-ups. At the same time, I was also undergoing EMDR for traumatic experiences I had experienced since the beginning of running the family home.

7. Did you also have maternity leave?

Eight weeks before my due date, I handed over all of my responsibilities to our pedagogical staff.

After giving birth, I stayed with my mother-in-law for two weeks.

During the third week after giving birth, we returned home. We then received daily support for another week.

After that, I gradually started taking on some responsibilities again.

8. What advice would you give someone who runs a family home and wants to have children?

1. Other family home parents have gone before you, so it is possible!I would recommend making sure you have a healthy living environment in place before your child is born.

2. Make sure you have enough support. You will need people who can help you during your pregnancy.

3. Be kind to yourself and get enough rest.

4. Enjoy your pregnancy.